Monday, July 2 
Today I got back from Fullerton and went walking/shopping with my mom and our bratty dog, Harley (yes as in Harley Davidson), at Ja Lolla. I'm trying on some jeans that seriously run way small- they're brands like Diesel and are apparently made for manequins. So here I am getting into a size 3 pair of jeans (I normally wear 1/2 or whatever the smallest size is) and I seriously cant even fit the pant past my thighs. I'm shocked. My mother is shocked. She says "Huh?? You've gained weight! When I was your age I looked great in Jeans! Your thighs are so big..." I could have killed her! When I was still in high school she was practically begging me to gain weight all the time. what the hell has happened?! I'm not used to this fat thing. But wait, it gets better. Here I am so furious and frustrated and I say, "It's not because I gained too much weight- it's the jeans!" The lady helping me is reasurring me and my mother that the jeans really do run especially small. I say to my mom "Are you actually saying I'm fat?" She says, "No, not fat. Just chubby." Oh my gosh. If I get any skinnier I'd be the model anorexic.
I've already been unhappy with my body for quite a few months now. Yes I know that I have gained a little weight. (Since I stopped dancing a year and a half ago, my body just hasn't been the same). What used to be great abs are now the work of me and Coors. Solid rock dancer thighs are now just big thighs. And the genetically big upper arms are starting to kick in. Basically, I'm gaining weight everywhere (even in the butt) except in the breasts which is the ONE place I actually wouldn't mind having my fat dispersed to. Ok, so I know i need to hit the gym. I've already been planning on dedicating myself to it starting tomorrow =P. But am I seriously just getting bigger and bigger from here on out? This does not at all help my mid young-adult life crisis. I am SO trimming up before I turn 21!!! I'm gonna go cry now.