Thursday, January 22 
An old friend asked me last night if I was happy. I knew where this was going. I said I was thankful more than anything else, but happy, I am still learning "happy." And of course he said he would be praying that I discover it. It felt almost kind of condescending. The thing is, I'm okay with not being completely "happy" (however you define that anyhow). I'd rather be truthfully unhappy than disillusioned happy. I'll take the real thing. And I still debate with myself if there was a time that I was truthfully happy or was just self-induced into it. Or maybe there will never be a "truthfully happy." Happy is what you want it to be or make it be. And if it be that it lasts you 5 hours on drugs or an eternity of something you believe in, then great. You've gotten yourself high either way. So then, am I saying that my friend is falsely happy? No, that wouldn't be fair. Just as it is unfair for him to assume what gets him high is what should get me high too. We all have to come to it on our own. I am too young to be completely satisfied with life. I appreciate the God-given opportunity to find myself. I am thankful.